Picking Apart Twilight: The Novel, Chapter 18

marzgurl | Jul 27 2012 | more 


They emerged one by one from the forest edge, ranging a dozen meters apart. The first male into the clearing fell back immediately, allowing the other male to take the front, orienting himself around the tall, dark-haired man in a manner that clearly displayed who led the pack. The third was a woman; from this distance, all I could see of her was that her hair was a startling shade of red.

Awwwwwwww, SNAP, y’all! It’s goin’ DOWN!

…Please tell me none of you thought I was legitimately that excited.

You’ll remember from the previous chapter that we had a sudden plot whiplash that involved introducing a pack of legit man-eating vampires who are totally going to be out for Bella’s blood here in a few minutes. Now here they come, just wanting to make friends.

Both men had cropped hair, but the woman’s brilliant orange hair was filled with leaves and debris from the woods.

I thought… I thought you just said her hair was red. Red and orange may be similar, but they’re not the same color. Also, I take it the movie took liberties with these characters, as neither of the male vampires had cropped hair. I mean, no big deal, just an observation.

Introducing Laurent, Victoria, and James. They seriously just want to play baseball and make friends. And Carlisle steps forward to talk casually, all like, “Yeah, come to our house, we’ll talk to you about how we set up permanent residence and stuff. Everybody here? Yeah, we’re all one big happy vampire family, nothing to see.” But then all that hiding is for nothing ’cause Bella’s got human stench just dripping from her, and everybody immediately freaks the hell out.

“She’s with us.” Carlisle’s firm rebuff was directed toward James. Laurent seemed to catch my scent less powerfully than James, but awareness now dawned on his face.
“You brought a snack?” he asked, his expression incredulous as he took an involuntary step forward.

Carlisle offers to take the new vampires to his home to sit down and talk while Edward, Alice, and Emmett take Bella to the Jeep, where they promptly GTFO. From this point on, nobody tries explaining any sort of plan to Bella. They just kidnap her. But they’re doing it out of LOVE!

We hit the main road, and though our speed increased, I could see much better where we were going. And we were headed south, away from Forks.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
No one answered. No one even looked at me.
“Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?”
“We have to get you away from here – far away – now.” He didn’t look back, his eyes on the road. The speedometer read a hundred and five miles an hour.
“Turn around! You have to take me home!” I shouted. I struggled with the stupid harness, tearing at the straps.
“Emmett,” Edward said grimly.
And Emmett secured my hands in his steely grasp.
“No! Edward! No, you can’t do this.”
“I have to, Bella, now please be quiet.”

How about asking this girl about what she wants? Was that ever an option? I know you want to keep her safe and all, but she IS just a regular person with regular old human problems. But I guess that doesn’t matter. And holding her against her will is totally cool because it’s for her safety and junk. Never mind not just opening up and explaining things to her at the very least.

From here, the book starts formulating the plan right in front of the audience, where the movie just shows the plan take action. I guess since it’s a book you have all the time in the world to do that, but still, we’re basically going to have to see it all written twice – once to tell us how it’s going to happen and once more when they actually execute the plan.

So, Edward’s making it seem like the only solution is to drive Bella as far away from James as possible, as he’s the guy who’s decided to turn Bella into an interesting hunt. Doesn’t it stand to reason, then, that no matter how far Bella travels, he’s not going to stop hunting her, if he is in fact the incredible tracker Edward starts claiming he is? Horrible plan there, Edward.

…The silence lasted for a long minute as Edward and Alice stared each other down.
I broke it. “Does anyone want to hear my plan?”
“No,” Edward growled.


Okay, to further elaborate, I think it’s absolutely hilarious that Bella’s getting ignored and shot down. However, isn’t this supposed to be her boyfriend? Like, he’s supposed to care about her and junk, right? ‘Cause he’s not really showing it. He’s telling her exactly what she can and can’t do, not giving her all the information, and not listening to her when the whole situation involves her. Controlling, much?

I glared at him and continued. “You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He’ll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won’t call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any damned place you want.”

Oh, the immense number of reasons why this is a bad idea. Why would her dad let her go? Just like that? Edward tells Bella she has 15 minutes to convince her dad that she’s leaving, and that’s it. Yeah, like that’s gonna work…

…Oh, you’re telling me it IS about to work? Well, aren’t I the complete idiot!

“I think you should let me go alone,” I said even more quietly.
He heard that.
“Bella, please just do this my way, just this once,” he said between clenched teeth.

Just this once? You say that as if you DON’T use your magical vampire powers to dictate what it is she says and does all the time. Or are you planning on having trackers be a regular thing for a while? Is that what you meant by “just this once”?

He turned to Alice.
“Can Jasper handle this?”
“Give him some credit, Edward. He’s been doing very, very well, all things considered.”
“Can you handle this?” he asked.
And graceful little Alice pulled back her lips in a horrific grimace and let loose with a guttural snarl that had me cowering against the seat in terror.
Edward smiled at her. “But keep your opinions to yourself,” he muttered suddenly.

Yay! Who’s ready to take on the task of having a jackass kid suddenly leave her father on a night when her new boyfriend was supposed to be taking care of her and have him totally be cool with the whole thing? I have my hopes set on the tracker catching and eating Bella.

…Though I know that doesn’t happen.

Next up, chapter 19!

6 responses to “Picking Apart Twilight: The Novel, Chapter 18”

  1. ariaraven says:

    You are a braver woman than I am for doing this. At this point I probably would’ve stopped reading.

  2. Levi says:

    I’m enjoying you tearing into this more and more.

  3. amber says:

    Human-Helper. Just had some Fresh Bella Meat.

  4. patrick says:

    “…Bella’s got human stench just dripping from her…”

    Yeast infection.

  5. Just wanted to say, glad this is back!

    And really, the plan is stupid. Everyone knows Charlie and his mighty mustache of might could handle james.